When you are labeled or strive to be a "good person," the energy driving and constructing that self-image often demands that you express yourself only in non-threatening ways. In extreme cases, you're expected to be a saint or punished and rejected as worthless, if not outright cast as a devil.
When the impulse to be “good” is fueled by shame and guilt, the fear of being outcast or punished shapes you into a psychic: always attuned to others’ expectations and emotions, able to read and conform to the invisible rules of a group or society. In the process, you begin to reject parts of your Self, casting them out into the real outcast.
Even after therapy, self-analysis, and being in a safe, supportive environment, the mind begins to recognize how absurd it is to try to be “perfect” and keep everyone happy. Yet it’s still incredibly hard not to react to those projections—because they’re deeply embedded in the third chakra: our self-image and our nervous system.
Trying to keep everyone calm and untriggered is a trauma, survival response. We’ve been trained to keep our second chakra wide open, without boundaries, constantly accessible to others. The emotional energy meant to nurture our Self in this sensual experience, to help us discover our own desires and feelings, becomes a space for others to escape into and project upon. It’s as if we become their surrogate Mother Earth, validating those who have lost connection with their own bodies and with the Earth, because they are so cut off from their own emotional experiences.
To stay in tune with everyone’s emotions and needs, we absorb the projected images of ourselves and wear them over our true Self like clothes and makeup, to feel accepted, belong and secure. Without a safe environment to explore, engage in conflict, and develop an integrated Self through trial and error, panic, guilt, and shame quickly overwhelm us. They hijack our nervous system, driving us to conform and escape, sacrificing parts of our authentic Self just to make the energetic punishment or attacks stop.
To develop the stillness needed to show others: this is who I am; I am very different from how you see me or what you expect me to be—requires a center that is our own sacred haven. In the extremely difficult early stages, we will need to constantly remind ourselves to pull our nurturing energy back inward, to use it to support ourselves and withstand the intense emotions that get triggered. When we find our center, we return to the body, naturally reconnect with Mother Earth, who unconditionally validates our existence and supports the exploration and integration of the Self. With practice, you will become more grounded, stronger, and more skillful in this process.
In the next phase, which I’m exploring now, there is a Third Eye energy that teaches by showing me on an energetic level, how to stay grounded in my center. It shows me how to say hello to all the images and expectations being projected onto me, and how to look at them with my Third Eye, rather than react from a nervous system flooded with cortisol. Through the practices developed in the earlier stage, you build the strength and courage to be able to look at those aggressive, demanding projections that offer no space for boundaries, questions, or challenge.
When you are centered, you gain greater access to different parts of yourself. You’re able to explore, to develop more balanced and aligned responses when triggered, and to regulate your collapsed nervous system back into safety. But when you are not able to look at these projections, your nervous system panics without awareness or resolution. That’s when you’re pressured to bend your truth to fit others’ expectations, the way an animal chews off its own tail just to escape.
If you are in a safe space, close your eyes. Find your center. Feel the state of Third Eye energy. Say hello—look objectively—at the expectations and projections of others. Expand your third chakra. Show them, in your own energetic space, an image of who you truly are. Update your self-image unapologetically, with all contrast and difference from what has been projected onto you. Let yourself process and clear all the fear, guilt, and shame that arise during this transformation.
There is always the one true Mother Earth—constantly validating, supporting, and nurturing you, in all aspects of who you are.
If this message resonated, feel free to share this article with someone on their own path of coming back to center.
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